Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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