My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
