well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
