yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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