closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
