I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
