She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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