last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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