I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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