I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
