We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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