pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The Olympian is in my bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
