I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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