What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
