He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
