Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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