i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
