Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
