If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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