i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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