There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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