no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
