Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
