it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
