He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
