why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize