There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
