things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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