I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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