i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
