Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
