I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
