I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
