Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
