My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
