...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
