i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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