I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize