My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
