She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
