wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
