I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
