I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
