Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
