Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
