haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need a sexual gate keeper
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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