did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
