im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
