you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
