What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
