i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
