Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
