I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
