I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize