just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
