Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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