So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
