oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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