just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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