Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
