i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
