and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
