true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
