he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
