I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
