Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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