I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
