you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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