we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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