Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
