I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
